May 2011
1 post
Earthworms
It rained heavily on Wednesday night. Thursday was a beautiful day apart from the wind. It was sunny and warm inside the college. It’s so rare nowadays to see a blue sky with puffs of white. I was walking outside around campus, deep in conversation with a friend when she abruptly yelps. About a dozen worms were squirming on the asphalt.
The only time I ever squished a worm, I accidentally...
April 2011
2 posts
1 tag
A History of My Romantic Encounters (V)
I was downtown celebrating my friend’s 19th birthday with a few people last November. It was strange because when I go clubbing, all I want to do is dance. I never really get drunk or high to the point of blacking out. But that night, my friend set up a guest list and bought those massive bottles of concentrated alcohol for the party. I inevitably gave into peer pressure, got...
Months have passed
since I lost my virginity.
I’m still sore. It’s all in my head.
March 2011
4 posts
March 24 to 27, 2010
I was hospitalized on a Wednesday and discovered I had a heart condition. I remember waiting for several hours to be seen by a doctor. It was past midnight, and only one was on duty. When it came to my turn, I said that the pregnant woman should be checked out first for obvious reasons. About 15 minutes later, I rushed up and tried to get to the bathroom, but I threw up on the floor and passed out...
Don't Date Nice Guys
because you’ll feel obligated to do anything they want. Otherwise, you’ll be consumed with guilt.
Take me out dancing.
I really want to. I’m getting antsy thinking about it.
Academic Success? What's That?
One of my closest friends Krista is moving to the states. She got a gymnastics scholarship to some really great university. I don’t really know the details because I was honestly barely listening to her when she explained it all to me. I was distracted by how depressing it all is.
At first, I was upset over ‘losing’ the closest thing I have to a best friend. After seeing how...
February 2011
11 posts
A History of My Romantic Encounters (4)
I started going to house parties at the age of 15. I started to genuinely enjoy alcohol, drugs, and dancing. I started getting noticed by other people but more importantly by boys.
I wasn’t a particularly attractive person. I was just able to maintain a conversation and discuss relevant topics. I was able to listen when people wanted to talk. I know that girls are supposed to be the ones...
If you're sad, you're sad.
It’s funny. When you don’t look forward to birthdays, they’re always surprisingly pleasant. The year you decide to plan things out all nicely, everything goes to shit. Actually, I think that applies to anything. Basically, my day was brutal, and I’m crying over it.
I felt dumb for crying over nothing especially since my day was no Libya. My friend told me that you...
“Les morts sont nulle part et partout.”
– Agota Kristof, La Preuve
Je vis dans une solitude mortelle.
I only get in the way of my own happiness.
My First Valentine's Day With an Actual Valentine
I started the day not knowing what day it was and wore neutral colours (as usual).
I saw my friend on the bus this morning.
I jokingly asked her to be my valentine.
We jokingly held hands all morning.
We jokingly bought each other roses for 5 bucks each.
We jokingly had our picture taken for free by a photographer hired by the college.
We jokingly kissed each other on the lips at the end of...
A History of My Romantic Encounters (3)
I had a few crushes growing up, mostly on badass hockey players on television. I didn’t actually like a boy I knew until I was about 14 years old. I had a crush on Ryan who was my friend’s 17-year-old brother. They lived about three blocks away from my house, and we used to take the same bus.
I don’t remember much from this because nothing actually happened. I constantly came...
A History of My Romantic Encounters (2)
My first kiss was with a girl.
I did gymnastics (very) competitively for two years of my life, from 7 years old to 9 years old. I know it sounds ridiculous for kids that young to be ‘competitive’, but I really don’t think I’ve ever taken anything as seriously as gymnastics. The girls were vicious. Despite being ‘on the same team’ and representing the same gym,...
A History of My Romantic Encounters (1)
This was third grade, and I was about 7 or 8 years old. During recess, my friends and I used to race each other from one end of the playground to the other. I won a lot because I was a fast runner (I would later run track for three years in secondary school). There was this one boy Julian who was faster than me and who would always high-five me after a race. He was the first boy who wasn’t...
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing - Leo Sayer
How I Got Into Drugs
I was 15 years old, a straight-A (90+%) student at a French private school in a dull suburban neighbourhood. I would even consider myself a really good Christian at the time, with seven years of bible camp under my belt. Bible camp doesn’t really reflect what a good Christian I was actually. It was more a place for misfit kids whose parents are trying to set straight (spoiler: some of them...
January 2011
4 posts
Conversation is refreshing.
especially after a month of small talk.
Ocean Bed - Zoo Kid
I haven't been home since I moved out.
I never thought I’d miss it, but being away for so long makes me want to go back. Besides, I left all my unessentials there, so my new room feels so empty. I filled it with new things that don’t mean anything to me. I don’t know what exactly it is that I miss. I don’t think it’s my parents. It’s just this feeling that I can’t describe. That’s what I...
A glass of wine in bed
with the window slightly open, so there’s a nice breeze. It’s almost 2 am, and I can’t sleep. I have work in a few hours, but I just want to enjoy tonight.
happy new year's eve
I told myself that this was going to be the last time I’m going out this year. Then I realised it really was going to be the last time this year.
After a summer and an autumn of going out at night almost every week, I’m tired. I didn’t want to go out tonight, but I figured it’s wrong to spend New Year’s Eve alone. I can’t kiss myself at midnight.
December 2010
3 posts
2011 resolutions
stop doing drugs
slack off less in college
figure out what to pursue
work out more
stop going out so much
make less(er) mistakes
Everyone thinks I'm a stoner.
That’s just great.
October 2010
3 posts
Éco-Condo
Je vis dans un éco-condo maintenant. C’est un appartement écologiquement bénéfique (comparé aux autres, je suppose). Ça fait un boute que je fous rien sur ce crisse de blogue, mais je me suis dit qu’il était temps que je fasse quelque chose! Je ne connais pas encore mon adresse et j’ai déménagé avec une personne fatigante, mais bon. Ça pourrait être pire.
1 tag
I have spent my entire life being in someone's...
Anywhere I go, I’m known as my brother’s little sister. No matter where I am, someone knows my brother and will associate that to my being. I don’t hate being this person because he’s a genius (who is more than occasionally cocky and self-important) with a big heart (nonetheless). Not only that, people who know this about me tend to think highly of me. As great as that is,...
Wake & Bake
every day for the past few weeks. I’m almost ashamed of myself.
My friend taught me the term ‘night n’ light’ recently. I’m not a huge fan; maybe I’m just a bit old-fashioned.
September 2010
21 posts
I'm a coward.
I may project strength but I’m scared of everything.
2 tags
1 tag
Best day ever
On a nice day, I’d like to drag a mattress out in my backyard onto the grass and just hop around. Afterward, I’d just lie in it and read a book until I’m tired. Then I’d take a nap.
When I was little, my friend’s older sister once told us about weird things like Nessie, Bigfoot, and the Roswell alien. I believed that they all lived happily together on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I eventually found out that Nessie’s in Scotland, the alien is in New Mexico, and who knows where Bigfoot is, and this all really upset me. I imagined how sad they must...
1 tag
I’m listening to happy music right now...
This is my summer with an older boy.
I met this guy when I signed up for a program to improve my health and well-being. I was really committed to becoming a better person: I stopped doing drugs, I ate better, I slept better. He became my sponsor or go-to person. Basically, I call him whenever there’s a disturbance in the force or if I’m tempted by the devil, as he liked to call it. We would actually have these group...
I stutter a lot.
Too much.
1 tag
I am mediocre. I can be glad without being happy, or sad without being depressed. I’m generally satisfied with my accomplishments, but I haven’t been genuinely proud of myself in a long time. I miss laughing to the point of tears or my chest hurting, and I miss being sad to a similar yet very different extent. I think the worst part is that I know and remember what it’s all like,...
1 tag
It’s not enough to grow distant from the people in my life, I had to start isolating myself from the internet. If I’m not comfortable being anonymous, I should probably just spend the rest of my life alone.
Hugs are the best.
Going out tonight was pointless. I bad tripped for the first time in my life and went home immediately after. I feel like shit. I want to go to sleep, but I’m still jittery.
2 tags
My uncle bought me a typewriter last year.
Uninspired and pockets empty, I grew frustrated with it and sold it for money that I spent on drugs.
I told him that it broke and that I sent it to get fixed, but they told me they couldn’t do anything so I didn’t want it back. I think he knew I was lying. We don’t talk much anymore.
He broke his leg and arm two weeks ago falling down the stairs of his apartment building, and...
2 tags
I'm in a state of acceptance.
I think I actually want to die young.
I woke up in a wonderful mood.
I got home from school and danced around my empty house in nothing but underwear. I wish I knew what was making me so happy so I could thank it.
Your Love - The Outfield
I miss the feeling of being intimate with someone.
Maybe I just don’t like napping alone.
I've made a huge mistake.
I often look through old photographs of people I used to know and wonder what they’re doing. I usually don’t remember much about them, but sometimes I want to find them and tell them that I never forgot their names.
A Sunday Kind of Love - Beth Rowley
Yesterday, I heard someone I actually like make fun of me for shopping at thrift stores after asking me where I got my top. I have never felt so fucking embarrassed for having more important priorities than clothes. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’m sick of being around spoiled people who are so ignorant and nonchalant about money and societal issues (but I suppose who dress...
Sometimes, I just want to slap myself for putting on such a ridiculous act when meeting someone new. I’m sure people would like me fine if I could just be myself. I don’t know why I always do this.
August 2010
19 posts
Fall semester starts tomorrow.
Back to a monotonous life of hard work and disappointments. Joy.